This deck is made up of cards from the Infinite Dvorak deck with high-quality flavortext.
Give this card to any player when it is played. You may draw cards only on your turn, and you may draw at most one card per turn. If you play or control "Tea", destroy this card.
You are carrying: an atomic vector plotter, the thing your aunt gave you which you don't know what it is, and no tea.
The Internet is Serious Business
Each player that controls more or fewer Things than you discards two cards.
And that's why everyone who doesn't agree with me is an idiot.
The first time each turn that a proposed card is rejected, that card's creator discards two cards, then draws a card.
You're watching the Family Learning Channel. And now, angry ticks fire out of my nipples!
Whenever you skip a turn, place a time counter on this.
At the beginning of your turn, if this has 5 or more time counters on it, you win the game.
It's essentially a cardboard box, and on the outside of it I wrote "Time Machine" in Sharpie.
Action: Destroy this card to destroy 3 adjacent Things which are all under the control of the same player.
Gonna fall on you!
sudo rm -rf /
One opponent of your choice must think of a reasonably common English word. If you can guess this word within three tries, all Things are destroyed, all hands are discarded, and everyone draws a new hand.
I told you password was a bad password!
Thing - Supervillain
Action: Fire crotch-based laser - Destroy a Thing.
Why, God, why did you let this exist!?
Draw a card at the end of each turn of yours where you did not speak.
"I'm glad to see we've moved on past the duct tape."
Wall of Wooden Fists
Each token counts as half a Thing.
Why is this card called Wall of Wooden Fists?
Things cannot use their Action ability if they used it on the previous turn of their owner.
"I'll be back. I will be back! I will!"
Disobey any cards you please. Including this one.
I don't even care enough to finish this ca
The Cask of Rejected
Secretly write the name of a Thing you controlled that was destroyed by target opponent. That player has 10 guesses or 1 minute, whichever comes first, to name it. If he or she can't, he or she is eliminated.
For the love of God and all that is holy, Montresor! My anus is bleeding!
You may play this into the control of any player.
Whenever you play a Thing, you must destroy one of your tokens, if possible.
...dizziness, nausea, headaches, nasal bleeding, skin discoloration, temporary or permanent hearing loss, suicidal depression, poverty and spontaneous combustion.
Exploit Strange Vulnerabilities
Each Thing in play whose text includes a special defense from destruction or removal from play loses that part of its text until the end of the turn and is destroyed.
It's like a high-frequency kryptonite silver bullet and a stake through the heart, and it's yellow.
You Are Eaten Alive By Ants
Eliminate the player who controls the most tokens.
"I put a magic spell on your tokens and they all turned into ants and ate you! Feel the sting of avarice!"
Dramatic Chorale Singing
For 3 turn cycles after this card is played, nobody may play a card. After that, every player must play a Thing. Whenever an Action is played, double any numerical values in its text ('a' and 'an' are considered to be '1').
The stakes are higher! The tension is ratcheted! The drama is maxed! The Oscar is in the bag!
Occam's Razor Blade
Action: Destroy the thing with the most words in its rules text.
Chuck Norris shaves with this.
Action: Generate a zombie token.
"How do you know he didn't summon zombies? You don't even know who he was!"
The player with the fewest cards in their hand skips their next turn.
The Midget's Rights groups around here aren't big enough to do anything about it.
All Things in play when this Thing comes into play, that have ruletext that applies to the Thing itself must add the text "with the exception of this card" after that rule. WIth the exception of this card.
To understand recursion, the first step is to understand recursion.
The Holy Hand Grenade Of Antioch
Action: Destroy this card to remove target thing from the game.
...And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O Lord, bless this Thy hand grenade that with it Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits, in Thy mercy."
WKRP Thanksgiving Turkey Giveaway
For each opponent, roll a die. Give that many Dead Turkey Tokens to that player, then roll another die and give half that many Turkey Tokens to that player.
Destroy a random non-turkey thing for each living Turkey in play
I swear to God I thought they could fly.
Action: Replace target living Thing with a strawberry candy token.
"This guy is more popular than any rock band nowadays." - The Rolling Stone. "I have to tell to all these young groupies: I'm sorry, the Lord of D. is busy. A very disappointing job." - Pol Pot, Satan's personal butler.
"I LOVE strawberry candy." - Satan
When this comes into play, destroy all Things other than this.
"The safest general characterization of the European philosophical tradition is that it consists of a series of footnotes to Plato." - Whitehead
"You are all nothing but footnotes to me, suckers!" - Plato Himself
Cthulu Sex Magazine
"With a title like that you don't need to do anything."
Half-Curse of Nemhotep
Gain a doom token. If you control two or more doom tokens, eliminate target player.
"What do you mean by >>it's not finished yet<<?!"
Erase an Action ability of target Thing
A wrench? Designed for monkeys????
Leave the game as though you have won, but keep this card. When the game ends, You are considered to be one place behind any players who won, and one place above any players who lost.
Its okay, Germany got 2nd in the war. They did alright.
Play in response to an opponent's action destroying a non-blue thing. Destroy all things, each player discards his hand, and eliminate the player who played the previous action.
Should've cut the blue wire.
Dim Matter Bolt
Target player discards a card and may not play actions next turn.
Not as good as Dark Matter, but the savings are tremendous!
Target opponent gains a copy of each thing he or she controls.
"You idiot! Plus is positive, minus is negative!"
When you gain control of The Head of Vecna, you may eliminate yourself. If you do, The Head of Vecna gains the text "Action:Eliminate an opponent" while you control it.
The moral of this story is, do not cut your own head off unless you really really know what you are doing
Some Your Base Are Belong To Us
Each opponent chooses a thing they control. For each thing not chosen, flip a coin and gain control of it on a heads.
You have a small chance to survive make your time.
Darksteel Phantom is indestuctible. Each turn, destroy a thing. If no other things remain, remove this card from the game.
"A ghost made of Darksteel? Isn't that like a solid gold trophy plated in tin?"
Doing the Impossible
You may destroy any one card, as long as it cannot be destroyed. Cards that can be destroyed cannot be destroyed by this card.
We can do the impossible! Now, continuing on from that, we can now sneakily do the possible.
If this Thing is destroyed, randomly discard two cards.
Action:Each player destroys one of their Things.
Remember kids, the raw forces of elemental evil are not a toy.
At the start of your turn, move the top card of the draw pile to Up Your Sleeve. If you have 15 or more cards Up Your Sleeve, you win the game.
1)Hack NASA's old climate data
2)Invest in carbon credits
Destroy no less than 15 things in play. Skip your next turn.
Toaster with Fling Action
Action: put a toast counter on this card.
Remove 3 toast counters: target opponent discards their hand.
What does Fling Action mean?
*flying toast burns hand*
When this enters play, choose its color.
Action: Replace a word on target thing with this thing's color. The targeted thing must be a different color than Paintball Wizard.
That red, red, and red kid sure red a red paintball.
Gain control of all Things whose author is Bucky. If there are no such Things in play that you do not already control, discard your hand and draw five cards.
You broadcast the speech before any agents were in place? You're fired!
Delete a sentence from target thing.
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Each opponent discards a random card at the end of each of your turns. Whenever you take an Action or play a Thing, destroy Poisonous Mood.
Armed with weapons-grade sarcasm and a mouthful of vitriol.
Pick a letter of the alphabet. Then draw and reveal cards until you draw a card with a cornervalue, and discard the rest. If the first letter in the cornervalue is the letter you chose, you win the game.
This trick may only work 4% of the time, but when it does, it's totally worth it.
Reveal your hand. Each opponent discards a card at random.
"I did NOT need to see that." - Jtwe
When Bottled Victory is destroyed, target Thing gains the text "Action+Thing:Win the game".
Ingredients: Water, Magic, High Fructose Corn Syrup, True Love, Sodium Benzoate to preserve freshness.
Underestimate the Opposition
Target opponent who controls more non-token Things than you must destroy one of those Things or discard two cards.
"Oh. So there are ten THOUSAND of them." -eskimoboy
Overestimate The Opposition
Each opponent chooses half their things and returns them to their hand.
Oh, wait, I was holding it upside-down. His power level is really 0006.
If this card is destroyed by Flame tokens, place a copy of the card Cooked Meat into your hand.
Meat is murder, tasty murder.
Slice of Pizza
If destroyed as food, create a cardboard token
Didn't you follow the directions? you were supposed to remove this before cooking.
Play only any time a Thing that contains blood or a similiar vital fluid is destroyed. Destroy target Thing.
bloodrocute - blud'ro`kyoot': vt (1) to electrocute by sending an electrical current through blood.
Destroy any number of tokens that are on Things, or destroy any number of dirt-related Things, or discard any number of cards, or gain four Void tokens.