Based on a hilarious Faux News investigation.
A goal is a player's objective. Each player is assigned a goal at the beginning of the game, the rest are shuffled into the deck. If a goal is played, the player's previous goal is destroyed. Goals may not be destroyed in any other way. Goals may be played as either Actions or Things.
If you control Seven Passwords, MySpace Account and Hackers, you win the game.
"Sacking websites, invading MySpace accounts..."
"Defend" Against the Domestic Terrorists
If you control Curtains, Security System and Dog, you win the game.
Troll teh Internets
If you control Secret Website, Internet Hate Machine and Lulz, you win the game.
"Treating the web like a real-life video game."
Bomb Sports Stadiums
If you control Domestic Terrorists, Exploding Van and Bomb Threat, you win the game.
Action: If you control Steroids in play, and Seven Passwords is in play, take control of Seven Passwords. Discard Steroids.
"They call themselves Anonymous..."
"...they are hackers on steroids"
Destroy; Die; Attack
Destroy a Thing.
Action: Draw a card.
"MySpace users are among their favorite targets."
Action: Destroy Seven Passwords to take control of MySpace account, if it's in play.
"I've had seven different passwords and they've got them all so far."
Internet Hate Machine
Action: Draw two cards. If one is Lulz, place it in your hand and discard the other. If neither are Lulz, discard both.
"They attack innocent people, like an internet hate machine."
Action: Force an opponent to reveal to you a card of their choice from their hand.
"Anonymous has even threatened to bomb sports stadiums."
Action: Draw two cards. If one is Bomb Threat, place it in your hand and discard the other. If neither are Bomb Threat, discard both.
"I believe they're domestic terrorists."
Action: If you have Domestic Terrorists in play, destroy a thing along with Exploding Van.
Action: Draw two cards. If one is Seven Passwords, place it in your hand and discard the other. If neither are Seven Passwords, discard both.
"Their name comes from their secret websites; it requires anyone posting on the site to remain anonymous."
Harry Potter Spoiler Attack
Take control of Lulz, if it's in play.
"Attention shoppers! Voldemort kills ****!"
Play onto a thing belonging to any player to disable that thing until Lulz is destroyed. Lulz counts as a card under your control, even if it is played onto someone else. If a card changes owner or is destroyed while Lulzified, Lulz goes to the hand of its owner.
Action: Move Lulz to another thing, or to the table.
"A corruption of L-O-L, which stands for laugh out loud."
Close the Curtains
Take control of Curtains, if it's in play.
"This mother's also fighting Anonymous"
If someone steals a card you control, you must destroy Security System instead.
"She installed electronic security, a phone tracing system..."
Buy a Dog
Take control of Dog, if it's in play.
"...and bought a dog."
If a card you control is targeted for destruction, you may choose to destroy Dog instead.