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| |type = Thing | | |type = Thing |
| |bgcolor = 666 | | |bgcolor = 666 |
| |text = '''Action:''' regenerate 1 point of damage on a Defender Thing you control. | | |text = '''Action:''' regenerate 1 point of health on a Defender Thing you control, up to its original maximum. That Defender Thing cannot protect you this turn. |
| |flavortext = ...of mystery. | | |flavortext = ...of mystery. |
| |creator = eskimoboy | | |creator = eskimoboy |
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| |cornervalue = X | | |cornervalue = X |
| |bgcolor = 030 | | |bgcolor = 030 |
| |text = When this card comes into play, put 3 zombie tokens on it. Group of Zombies' HP is equal to the number of zombie tokens on it.<br>'''Action:''' move a zombie token onto a Thing. You control all Things with zombie tokens on them. When this card leaves play, destroy all zombie tokens and return all Things that had zombie tokens on them to their owners. | | |text = This card comes into play with 3 zombie tokens on it. This card's HP is the number of zombie tokens on it.<br>'''Action:''' move a zombie token onto a Thing. You control Things with zombie tokens on them. When this card leaves play, destroy all zombie tokens and return all taken Things to their owners. |
| |creator = eskimoboy | | |creator = eskimoboy |
| }} | | }} |
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| |bgcolor = 090 | | |bgcolor = 090 |
| |text = Deal 1 damage to a player, even if they control a Defender Thing. | | |text = Deal 1 damage to a player, even if they control a Defender Thing. |
| |flavortext = It shoots super bullets at super long range with super accuracy for overall super effectiveness against any sort of troops, unless the rifle is fulfilling an anti-materiel role, in which case it disables the target with super efficiency. | | |flavortext = It shoots super bullets at super long range with super accuracy for super effectiveness against infantry, unless the rifle is fulfilling a super anti-materiel role, in which case it disables the target with super efficiency. |
| |creator = eskimoboy | | |creator = eskimoboy |
| }} | | }} |
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| |cornervalue = 1 | | |cornervalue = 1 |
| |bgcolor = 00F | | |bgcolor = 00F |
| |text = If you control both of The Only Duplicates, each one's HP becomes 2. | | |text = If this card is in play when The Only Duplicates comes into play, put a health counter on each one. |
| |flavortext = I'm feeling uncreative. | | |flavortext = I'm feeling uncreative. |
| |creator = eskimoboy | | |creator = eskimoboy |
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| |cornervalue = 1 | | |cornervalue = 1 |
| |bgcolor = 00F | | |bgcolor = 00F |
| |text = If you control both of The Only Duplicates, each one's HP becomes 2. | | |text = If this card is in play when The Only Duplicates comes into play, put a health counter on each one. |
| |flavortext = I'm feeling uncreative. | | |flavortext = I'm feeling uncreative. |
| |creator = eskimoboy | | |creator = eskimoboy |
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| |bgcolor = F00 | | |bgcolor = F00 |
| |text = Your HP becomes 3. Play only if you have 1 HP or control no Defender Things. | | |text = Your HP becomes 3. Play only if you have 1 HP or control no Defender Things. |
| |flavortext = Next time, you might not be so lucky.<br>(actually, for sure you won't, because there's only one Really Great Medic and no card can retrieve Action cards. So yeah, you won't be so lucky next time.) | | |flavortext = Next time, you might not be so lucky.<br>(well, for sure you won't, because there's only one Really Great Medic and no way to retrieve Action cards. So you won't be so lucky next time.) |
| |creator = eskimoboy | | |creator = eskimoboy |
| }} | | }} |
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| |creator = eskimoboy | | |creator = eskimoboy |
| }} | | }} |
| == Card List ==
| |
|
| |
| {{Card | | {{Card |
| |title = Large Rock | | |title = A Messy Death |
| |cornervalue = 1
| |
| |type = Defender Thing
| |
| |bgcolor = 666
| |
| |flavortext = um.<br>It's a rock.<br>And it's big.
| |
| |creator = eskimoboy
| |
| }}
| |
| {{Card
| |
| |title = Ant-Sized Harpoon
| |
| |type = Action
| |
| |bgcolor = 009
| |
| |text = Deal 1 damage to a Defender Thing or unprotected player
| |
| |flavortext = How do I hold it? <br> Like an ant! <br><br>...What?
| |
| |creator = eskimoboy
| |
| }}
| |
| {{Card
| |
| |title=only i can see the moon's master plan
| |
| |type=Thing
| |
| |bgcolor = 333
| |
| |text=You may play the top card of the deck as though it was in your hand.<br><br>'''Action:''' look at the top card of the deck.
| |
| |creator=eskimoboy
| |
| }}
| |
| {{Card
| |
| |title = Nuclear Apocalypse
| |
| |type = Action | | |type = Action |
| |bgcolor = F00 | | |bgcolor = F00 |
| |text = Deal 5 damage to a Defender thing or unprotected player. | | |text = Destroy a Thing, but not a Defender Thing. |
| |flavortext = it could be wor-<br>DONT SAY IT! | | |flavortext = ew. |
| |creator = eskimoboy | | |creator = eskimoboy |
| }} | | }} |
| {{Card | | {{Card |
| |title = Strength in Numbers | | |title = Hand Grenade Tennis |
| |type = Action | | |type = Action |
| |bgcolor = 900 | | |bgcolor = 009 |
| |text = Draw a card for each person that you are. | | |text = Deal 1 damage to a player, even if they control a Defender Thing. The target may discard a card to take control of Hand Grenade Tennis and choose a new target to take damage. (Who also gets a chance to discard a card, continuing the sequence.) |
| |flavortext = we don't have multiple personalities. *twitch*
| |
| |creator = eskimoboy | | |creator = eskimoboy |
| }} | | }} |
| {{Card | | {{Card |
| |title = The Pie Is Not All Mine | | |title = Minefield |
| |type = Action | | |type = Action |
| |bgcolor = 900
| |
| |text = Draw four cards. Give one to an opponent, and keep the rest.
| |
| |creator = eskimoboy
| |
| }}
| |
| {{Card
| |
| |title = Wall of Paper
| |
| |type = Defender Thing
| |
| |cornervalue = 6
| |
| |bgcolor = CCC
| |
| |text = '''Action+Thing:''' destroy Wall of Paper. Any player may use this ability.
| |
| |flavortext = So I said to myself, self, it looks like that thing could survive a Nuclear Apocalypse. Then I looked closer.
| |
| |creator = eskimoboy
| |
| }}
| |
| {{Card
| |
| |title = Electric Barbed Wire Pit Trap With Poison Spikes
| |
| |type = Defender Thing
| |
| |cornervalue = 2
| |
| |bgcolor = 000
| |
| |text = Whenever this card takes any amount of damage, you may have this card deal 1 damage to a Defender thing or unprotected player.
| |
| |flavortext = EBWPTWPS has a nice ring to it.
| |
| |creator = eskimoboy
| |
| }}
| |
| {{Card
| |
| |title = Cannon
| |
| |type = Defender Thing
| |
| |cornervalue = 1
| |
| |bgcolor = 333
| |
| |text = '''Action:''' deal 1 damage to a Defender thing or unprotected player.
| |
| |flavortext = A pirate's card for me.
| |
| |creator = eskimoboy
| |
| }}
| |
| {{Card
| |
| |title = Piece of Glass
| |
| |type = Defender Thing
| |
| |cornervalue = 1
| |
| |bgcolor = CCC
| |
| |creator = eskimoboy
| |
| }}
| |
| {{Card
| |
| |title = Behold The God Who Is Not
| |
| |type = Action
| |
| |bgcolor = 900
| |
| |text = Deal 1 damage to all Defender Things and unprotected players.
| |
| |flavortext = If he's a "god" who isn't, then why do we fear his wra- <br><br> *struck by falling objects*
| |
| |creator = eskimoboy
| |
| }}
| |
| {{Card
| |
| |title = Corpse Recycler
| |
| |type = Action
| |
| |bgcolor = 000
| |
| |text = Take a Defender Thing with HP 3 or less out of the discard pile and into play under your control.
| |
| |flavortext = We recycle!
| |
| |creator = eskimoboy
| |
| }}
| |
| {{Card
| |
| |title = The Watchtower Is Watching
| |
| |type = Thing
| |
| |bgcolor = FF0
| |
| |text = When anyone (even you! D:) plays a Defender Thing, flip a coin. On heads, the Defender Thing takes 1 damage.
| |
| |creator = eskimoboy
| |
| }}
| |
| {{Card
| |
| |title = Meme
| |
| |type = Defender Thing
| |
| |cornervalue = 1
| |
| |bgcolor = 00F
| |
| |text = While Meme is in play, all Defender Things are counted as having 1 HP.
| |
| |flavortext = imma firin' mah<br> NINE THOUSAANND!
| |
| |creator = eskimoboy
| |
| }}
| |
| {{Card
| |
| |title = Asylum
| |
| |type = Defender Thing
| |
| |cornervalue = 1
| |
| |bgcolor = 0BB
| |
| |text = Play on a Thing or Defender Thing.<br>Treat that Thing's text as blank.
| |
| |creator = eskimoboy
| |
| }}
| |
| {{Card
| |
| |title = Mystery Bob's Mystery Lair
| |
| |type = Thing
| |
| |bgcolor = 666 | | |bgcolor = 666 |
| |text = '''Action:''' regenerate 1 point of damage on a Defender Thing you control. | | |text = Deal 3 damage to a Defender Thing. |
| |flavortext = ...of mystery.
| |
| |creator = eskimoboy | | |creator = eskimoboy |
| }} | | }} |
| {{Card | | {{Card |
| |title = Water Is Splashy | | |title = Underestimate The Opposition |
| |type = Action | | |type = Action |
| |bgcolor = 00F | | |bgcolor = CCC |
| |text = '''Choose one:'''<br>Deal 2 damage to a Defender Thing or unprotected player.<br>'''OR'''<br>Deal 1 damage to two separate Defender Things or unprotected players. | | |text = Play only if you have less Things in play than your opponent(s).<br>Target player destroys a Defender Thing they control or takes 1 damage. |
| | |flavortext = Oh. So there are ten THOUSAND of them. |
| |creator = eskimoboy | | |creator = eskimoboy |
| }} | | }} |
| {{Card | | {{Card |
| |title = Suddenly Mercenaries | | |title = look how existing i am |
| |type = Action | | |type = Action |
| |bgcolor = 090
| |
| |text = Note the number of Things each player controls. Shuffle all Things in play together, and return a number of Things to each player equal to the number of Things that they started with.
| |
| |flavortext = ...sounds better that Quickly Traitors.
| |
| |creator = eskimoboy
| |
| }}
| |
| {{Card
| |
| |title = Unreliable Bodyguard
| |
| |type = Defender Thing
| |
| |cornervalue = 2
| |
| |bgcolor = 000
| |
| |text = Whenever Unreliable Bodyguard would be dealt damage, flip a coin. On heads, you take 1 damage and Unreliable Bodyguard remains unharmed. On tails, Unreliable Bodyguard takes damage as normal.
| |
| |flavortext = For the last time, BAGELS ARE NO REASON TO ABANDON THE PRESIDENT!
| |
| |creator = eskimoboy
| |
| }}
| |
| {{Card
| |
| |title = Pack of Zombies
| |
| |type = Defender Thing
| |
| |cornervalue = X
| |
| |bgcolor = 030
| |
| |text = When this card comes into play, put 3 zombie tokens on it. Group of Zombies' HP is equal to the number of zombie tokens on it.<br>'''Action:''' move a zombie token onto a Thing. You control all Things with zombie tokens on them. When this card leaves play, destroy all zombie tokens and return all Things that had zombie tokens on them to their owners.
| |
| |creator = eskimoboy
| |
| }}
| |
| {{Card
| |
| |title = Shoot It
| |
| |type = Action
| |
| |bgcolor = 666
| |
| |text = Deal 2 damage to a Defender Thing or unprotected player.
| |
| |creator = eskimoboy
| |
| }}
| |
| {{Card
| |
| |title = 5-Foot Thick Depleted Uranium Walls
| |
| |type = Defender Thing
| |
| |cornervalue = 3
| |
| |bgcolor = 333 | | |bgcolor = 333 |
| |flavortext = Well, it looks very sturdy, but how do you breathe in there? Are there air holes or something? Wouldn't that defeat the purpose if you had to keep opening the door to get air? And what do you do about the radiation?<br>Shut up.
| | |text = Regain any health lost in the previous turn. |
| |creator = eskimoboy
| | |flavortext = you sure are. |
| }}
| |
| {{Card
| |
| |title = We Need More Bombs
| |
| |type = Action
| |
| |bgcolor = 090
| |
| |text = Do 1 damage to a Defender Thing or unprotected player, then flip a coin. On heads, do 1 more damage to a Defender thing or unprotected player. Repeat this process until tails comes up.
| |
| |creator = eskimoboy
| |
| }}
| |
| {{Card
| |
| |title = The Carpet Has Betrayed Us
| |
| |type = Action
| |
| |bgcolor = F00
| |
| |text = Do 1 damage to a Defender Thing or unprotected player.
| |
| |creator = eskimoboy
| |
| }}
| |
| {{Card
| |
| |title = Low Self Esteem
| |
| |type = Action
| |
| |bgcolor = FF0
| |
| |text = Reduce the HP of target Defender Thing to 1.
| |
| |flavortext = It won't kill 'em, but it helps.
| |
| |creator = eskimoboy
| |
| }}
| |
| {{Card
| |
| |title = Invis-o-Bill
| |
| |type = Action
| |
| |bgcolor = 005
| |
| |text = Deal 1 damage to a player, even if they control a Defender Thing. | |
| |creator = eskimoboy
| |
| }}
| |
| {{Card
| |
| |title = Super Sniper Rifle
| |
| |type = Action
| |
| |bgcolor = 090
| |
| |text = Deal 1 damage to a player, even if they control a Defender Thing.
| |
| |flavortext = It shoots super bullets at super long range with super accuracy for overall super effectiveness against any sort of troops, unless the rifle is fulfilling an anti-materiel role, in which case it disables the target with super efficiency.
| |
| |creator = eskimoboy
| |
| }}
| |
| {{Card
| |
| |title = Untrained Defensive Troops
| |
| |type = Defender Thing
| |
| |cornervalue = 2
| |
| |bgcolor = 900
| |
| |text = If Untrained Defensive Troops is dealt damage but not destroyed, return it to your hand.
| |
| |flavortext = They're shootin' at us! RUN! | |
| |creator = eskimoboy
| |
| }}
| |
| {{Card
| |
| |title = Swiss Bank
| |
| |type = Defender Thing
| |
| |cornervalue = 4
| |
| |bgcolor = 666
| |
| |text = You may place one card face down under Swiss Bank.<br>'''Action+Discard a card:''' Put the face down card under Swiss Bank into play under your control. If Swiss Bank is destroyed, the opponent may put the face down card under it into their hand.
| |
| |creator = eskimoboy
| |
| }}
| |
| {{Card
| |
| |title = ...With Necromancy Action!
| |
| |type = Action
| |
| |bgcolor = 000
| |
| |text = Return a Thing from the discard pile to play under your control. If it is a Defender Thing, it has 1 HP
| |
| |creator = eskimoboy
| |
| }}
| |
| {{Card
| |
| |title = The Only Duplicates
| |
| |type = Defender Thing
| |
| |cornervalue = 1
| |
| |bgcolor = 00F
| |
| |text = If you control both of The Only Duplicates, each one's HP becomes 2.
| |
| |flavortext = I'm feeling uncreative.
| |
| |creator = eskimoboy
| |
| }}
| |
| {{Card
| |
| |title = The Only Duplicates
| |
| |type = Defender Thing
| |
| |cornervalue = 1
| |
| |bgcolor = 00F
| |
| |text = If you control both of The Only Duplicates, each one's HP becomes 2.
| |
| |flavortext = I'm feeling uncreative.
| |
| |creator = eskimoboy
| |
| }}
| |
| {{Card
| |
| |title = Nobody Has To Die Today
| |
| |type = Action
| |
| |bgcolor = 000
| |
| |text = If no one controls any Defender Things, you win the game.
| |
| |creator = eskimoboy
| |
| }}
| |
| {{Card
| |
| |title = The Antithesis To Coherent Thought
| |
| |type = Defender Thing
| |
| |cornervalue = 1
| |
| |bgcolor = 333
| |
| |text = If The Antithesis To Coherent Thought is destroyed, you must discard a card at random, take 1 damage, and destroy a Thing you control.<br>'''Action:''' put an insane counter on this card. if there are 3 insane counters on this card, you win.
| |
| |flavortext = So insane it just might work.
| |
| |creator = eskimoboy
| |
| }}
| |
| {{Card
| |
| |title = Really Great Medic
| |
| |type = Action
| |
| |bgcolor = F00
| |
| |text = Your HP becomes 3. Play only if you have 1 HP or control no Defender Things.
| |
| |flavortext = Next time, you might not be so lucky.<br>(actually, for sure you won't, because there's only one Really Great Medic and no card can retrieve Action cards. So yeah, you won't be so lucky next time.)
| |
| |creator = eskimoboy
| |
| }}
| |
| {{Card
| |
| |title = Slow-Acting Poison
| |
| |type = Thing
| |
| |bgcolor = 0F0
| |
| |text = Play Slow-Acting Poison onto a Defender Thing. At the end of each of that Defender Thing's controller's turns, the Defender Thing takes 1 damage.
| |
| |flavortext = The slow but sure version of Fast-Acting Poison.
| |
| |creator = eskimoboy
| |
| }}
| |
| {{Card
| |
| |title = A Messy Death
| |
| |type = Action
| |
| |bgcolor = F00
| |
| |text = Destroy a Thing, but not a Defender Thing.
| |
| |flavortext = ew.
| |
| |creator = eskimoboy | | |creator = eskimoboy |
| }} | | }} |
Hour of Randomness Deck
In the Hour of Randomness deck, players start with 3 "lives" and fight to eliminate their opponents with cards like Nuclear Apocalypse and Water is Splashy.
Your only defense may come in the form of the sturdy and dangerous Electric Barbed Wire Pit Trap With Poison Spikes or the shining beacon of safety, the Unreliable Bodyguard.
Special Rules
HP: Each player starts with 3 health tokens. If you run out of health tokens, you lose.
Defender Things: Defender Things have a value in the corner. This represents its HP, and it comes into play with that many health tokens.
If a Defender Thing has no health tokens, it is destroyed. As long as you control a Defender Thing, Actions and abilities that would harm you instead must target your Things.
For example, say you have "Large Rock" and your opponent plays "Ant-Sized Harpoon." Normally you would take 1 damage, but "Ant-Sized Harpoon" has to deal with Large Rock
before it can get to you. (fortunately by then it'll be in the discard pile).
Defender Thing
um.
It's a rock.
And it's big.
Ant-Sized Harpoon
Action
Deal 1 damage to a Defender thing or unprotected player.
Things without corner values: Things without corner values cannot be targeted by damage-dealing cards (they can still be destroyed by a "destroy" effect), but at
the same time, they don't protect you from harm. For example, "only i can see the moon's master plan" will not save you from "nuclear apocalypse."
only i can see the moon's master plan
Thing
You may play the top card of the deck as though it was in your hand.
Action: look at the top card of the deck.
Nuclear Apocalypse
Action
Deal 3 damage to a Defender thing or unprotected player.
it could be wor-
DONT SAY IT!
Starting the Game: Each player draws five cards. They may then each play up to three Defender Things before the game begins, so as to not be slaughtered right
off the bat. Once both players are ready, flip a coin, play rock paper scissors, do flips off of a cliff, whatever floats your boat, to decide who should go first.
The turn structure is normal, in which the player draws a card, plays an Action, a Thing, or both, {or neither :) ), and play goes on to the next person.
Card List
Defender Thing
um.
It's a rock.
And it's big.
Ant-Sized Harpoon
Action
Deal 1 damage to a Defender Thing or unprotected player
How do I hold it?
Like an ant!
...What?
only i can see the moon's master plan
Thing
You may play the top card of the deck as though it was in your hand.
Action: look at the top card of the deck.
Nuclear Apocalypse
Action
Deal 5 damage to a Defender thing or unprotected player.
it could be wor-
DONT SAY IT!
Strength in Numbers
Action
Draw a card for each person that you are.
we don't have multiple personalities. *twitch*
The Pie Is Not All Mine
Action
Draw four cards. Give one to an opponent, and keep the rest.
Defender Thing
Action+Thing: destroy Wall of Paper. Any player may use this ability.
So I said to myself, self, it looks like that thing could survive a Nuclear Apocalypse. Then I looked closer.
2
Electric Barbed Wire Pit Trap With Poison Spikes
Defender Thing
Whenever this card takes any amount of damage, you may have this card deal 1 damage to a Defender thing or unprotected player.
EBWPTWPS has a nice ring to it.
Defender Thing
Action: deal 1 damage to a Defender thing or unprotected player.
A pirate's card for me.
Behold The God Who Is Not
Action
Deal 1 damage to all Defender Things and unprotected players.
If he's a "god" who isn't, then why do we fear his wra-
*struck by falling objects*
Corpse Recycler
Action
Take a Defender Thing with HP 3 or less out of the discard pile and into play under your control.
We recycle!
The Watchtower Is Watching
Thing
When anyone (even you! D:) plays a Defender Thing, flip a coin. On heads, the Defender Thing takes 1 damage.
Defender Thing
While Meme is in play, all Defender Things are counted as having 1 HP.
imma firin' mah
NINE THOUSAANND!
Defender Thing
Play on a Thing or Defender Thing.
Treat that Thing's text as blank.
Mystery Bob's Mystery Lair
Thing
Action: regenerate 1 point of health on a Defender Thing you control, up to its original maximum. That Defender Thing cannot protect you this turn.
...of mystery.
Water Is Splashy
Action
Choose one:
Deal 2 damage to a Defender Thing or unprotected player.
OR
Deal 1 damage to two separate Defender Things or unprotected players.
Suddenly Mercenaries
Action
Note the number of Things each player controls. Shuffle all Things in play together, and return a number of Things to each player equal to the number of Things that they started with.
...sounds better that Quickly Traitors.
Defender Thing
Whenever Unreliable Bodyguard would be dealt damage, flip a coin. On heads, you take 1 damage and Unreliable Bodyguard remains unharmed. On tails, Unreliable Bodyguard takes damage as normal.
For the last time, BAGELS ARE NO REASON TO ABANDON THE PRESIDENT!
Defender Thing
This card comes into play with 3 zombie tokens on it. This card's HP is the number of zombie tokens on it.
Action: move a zombie token onto a Thing. You control Things with zombie tokens on them. When this card leaves play, destroy all zombie tokens and return all taken Things to their owners.
Shoot It
Action
Deal 2 damage to a Defender Thing or unprotected player.
3
5-Foot Thick Depleted Uranium Walls
Defender Thing
Well, it looks very sturdy, but how do you breathe in there? Are there air holes or something? Wouldn't that defeat the purpose if you had to keep opening the door to get air? And what do you do about the radiation?
Shut up.
We Need More Bombs
Action
Do 1 damage to a Defender Thing or unprotected player, then flip a coin. On heads, do 1 more damage to a Defender thing or unprotected player. Repeat this process until tails comes up.
The Carpet Has Betrayed Us
Action
Do 1 damage to a Defender Thing or unprotected player.
Low Self Esteem
Action
Reduce the HP of target Defender Thing to 1.
It won't kill 'em, but it helps.
Invis-o-Bill
Action
Deal 1 damage to a player, even if they control a Defender Thing.
Super Sniper Rifle
Action
Deal 1 damage to a player, even if they control a Defender Thing.
It shoots super bullets at super long range with super accuracy for super effectiveness against infantry, unless the rifle is fulfilling a super anti-materiel role, in which case it disables the target with super efficiency.
2
Untrained Defensive Troops
Defender Thing
If Untrained Defensive Troops is dealt damage but not destroyed, return it to your hand.
They're shootin' at us! RUN!
Defender Thing
You may place one card face down under Swiss Bank.
Action+Discard a card: Put the face down card under Swiss Bank into play under your control. If Swiss Bank is destroyed, the opponent may put the face down card under it into their hand.
...With Necromancy Action!
Action
Return a Thing from the discard pile to play under your control. If it is a Defender Thing, it has 1 HP
Defender Thing
If this card is in play when The Only Duplicates comes into play, put a health counter on each one.
I'm feeling uncreative.
Defender Thing
If this card is in play when The Only Duplicates comes into play, put a health counter on each one.
I'm feeling uncreative.
Nobody Has To Die Today
Action
If no one controls any Defender Things, you win the game.
1
The Antithesis To Coherent Thought
Defender Thing
If The Antithesis To Coherent Thought is destroyed, you must discard a card at random, take 1 damage, and destroy a Thing you control.
Action: put an insane counter on this card. if there are 3 insane counters on this card, you win.
So insane it just might work.
Really Great Medic
Action
Your HP becomes 3. Play only if you have 1 HP or control no Defender Things.
Next time, you might not be so lucky.
(well, for sure you won't, because there's only one Really Great Medic and no way to retrieve Action cards. So you won't be so lucky next time.)
Slow-Acting Poison
Thing
Play Slow-Acting Poison onto a Defender Thing. At the end of each of that Defender Thing's controller's turns, the Defender Thing takes 1 damage.
The slow but sure version of Fast-Acting Poison.
Fast-Acting Poison
Thing
Play Fast-Acting Poison onto a Defender Thing. At the end of the Defender Thing's controller's turn, the Defender Thing takes 3 damage and Fast-Acting poison is destroyed.
The fast version of Slow-Acting Poison.
A Messy Death
Action
Destroy a Thing, but not a Defender Thing.
ew.
Hand Grenade Tennis
Action
Deal 1 damage to a player, even if they control a Defender Thing. The target may discard a card to take control of Hand Grenade Tennis and choose a new target to take damage. (Who also gets a chance to discard a card, continuing the sequence.)
Minefield
Action
Deal 3 damage to a Defender Thing.
Underestimate The Opposition
Action
Play only if you have less Things in play than your opponent(s).
Target player destroys a Defender Thing they control or takes 1 damage.
Oh. So there are ten THOUSAND of them.
look how existing i am
Action
Regain any health lost in the previous turn.
you sure are.