Dvorak Export: Hour of randomness


Instructions

Adjust these settings until the cards fit comfortably, with the correct number per page, in your browser's Print Preview.

When you're happy with the settings, send all but the first page to your printer, and cut the cards out with something sharp. Either stick the results onto cardboard, slip them into deck-protectors with some spare CCG cards for padding, or just play with them as flimsy bits of paper.

Deck-Print Settings

Card Height :cm Title Box Height :cm
Card Width :cm Text Box, Min. Height :cm
Cards per Page :x Text Size :

Large Rock 1
Defender Thing


um.
It's a rock.
And it's big.
Card : eskimoboy
Ant-Sized Harpoon
Action
Deal 1 damage to a Defender thing or unprotected player.
Card : eskimoboy
only i can see the moon's master plan
Thing
You may play the top card of the deck as though it was in your hand.
Action: look at the top card of the deck.
Card : eskimoboy
Nuclear Apocalypse
Action
Deal 3 damage to a Defender thing or unprotected player.

it could be wor-
DONT SAY IT!
Card : eskimoboy
Large Rock 1
Defender Thing


um.
It's a rock.
And it's big.
Card : eskimoboy
Ant-Sized Harpoon
Action
Deal 1 damage to a Defender Thing or unprotected player

How do I hold it?
Like an ant!

...What?
Card : eskimoboy
only i can see the moon's master plan
Thing
You may play the top card of the deck as though it was in your hand.

Action: look at the top card of the deck.
Card : eskimoboy
Nuclear Apocalypse
Action
Deal 5 damage to a Defender thing or unprotected player.

it could be wor-
DONT SAY IT!
Card : eskimoboy
Strength in Numbers
Action
Draw a card for each person that you are.

we don't have multiple personalities. *twitch*
Card : eskimoboy
The Pie Is Not All Mine
Action
Draw four cards. Give one to an opponent, and keep the rest.
Card : eskimoboy
Wall of Paper 6
Defender Thing
Action+Thing: destroy Wall of Paper. Any player may use this ability.

So I said to myself, self, it looks like that thing could survive a Nuclear Apocalypse. Then I looked closer.
Card : eskimoboy
Electric Barbed Wire Pit Trap With Poison Spikes 2
Defender Thing
Whenever this card takes any amount of damage, you may have this card deal 1 damage to a Defender thing or unprotected player.

EBWPTWPS has a nice ring to it.
Card : eskimoboy
Cannon 1
Defender Thing
Action: deal 1 damage to a Defender thing or unprotected player.

A pirate's card for me.
Card : eskimoboy
Piece of Glass 1
Defender Thing
Card : eskimoboy
Behold The God Who Is Not
Action
Deal 1 damage to all Defender Things and unprotected players.

If he's a "god" who isn't, then why do we fear his wra-

*struck by falling objects*
Card : eskimoboy
Corpse Recycler
Action
Take a Defender Thing with HP 3 or less out of the discard pile and into play under your control.

We recycle!
Card : eskimoboy
The Watchtower Is Watching
Thing
When anyone (even you! D:) plays a Defender Thing, flip a coin. On heads, the Defender Thing takes 1 damage.
Card : eskimoboy
Meme 1
Defender Thing
While Meme is in play, all Defender Things are counted as having 1 HP.

imma firin' mah
NINE THOUSAANND!
Card : eskimoboy
Asylum 1
Defender Thing
Play on a Thing or Defender Thing.
Treat that Thing's text as blank.
Card : eskimoboy
Mystery Bob's Mystery Lair
Thing
Action: regenerate 1 point of health on a Defender Thing you control, up to its original maximum. That Defender Thing cannot protect you this turn.

...of mystery.
Card : eskimoboy
Water Is Splashy
Action
Choose one:
Deal 2 damage to a Defender Thing or unprotected player.
OR
Deal 1 damage to two separate Defender Things or unprotected players.
Card : eskimoboy
Suddenly Mercenaries
Action
Note the number of Things each player controls. Shuffle all Things in play together, and return a number of Things to each player equal to the number of Things that they started with.

...sounds better that Quickly Traitors.
Card : eskimoboy
Unreliable Bodyguard 2
Defender Thing
Whenever Unreliable Bodyguard would be dealt damage, flip a coin. On heads, you take 1 damage and Unreliable Bodyguard remains unharmed. On tails, Unreliable Bodyguard takes damage as normal.

For the last time, BAGELS ARE NO REASON TO ABANDON THE PRESIDENT!
Card : eskimoboy
Pack of Zombies X
Defender Thing
This card comes into play with 3 zombie tokens on it. This card's HP is the number of zombie tokens on it.
Action: move a zombie token onto a Thing. You control Things with zombie tokens on them. When this card leaves play, destroy all zombie tokens and return all taken Things to their owners.
Card : eskimoboy
Shoot It
Action
Deal 2 damage to a Defender Thing or unprotected player.
Card : eskimoboy
5-Foot Thick Depleted Uranium Walls 3
Defender Thing


Well, it looks very sturdy, but how do you breathe in there? Are there air holes or something? Wouldn't that defeat the purpose if you had to keep opening the door to get air? And what do you do about the radiation?
Shut up.
Card : eskimoboy
We Need More Bombs
Action
Do 1 damage to a Defender Thing or unprotected player, then flip a coin. On heads, do 1 more damage to a Defender thing or unprotected player. Repeat this process until tails comes up.
Card : eskimoboy
The Carpet Has Betrayed Us
Action
Do 1 damage to a Defender Thing or unprotected player.
Card : eskimoboy
Low Self Esteem
Action
Reduce the HP of target Defender Thing to 1.

It won't kill 'em, but it helps.
Card : eskimoboy
Invis-o-Bill
Action
Deal 1 damage to a player, even if they control a Defender Thing.
Card : eskimoboy
Super Sniper Rifle
Action
Deal 1 damage to a player, even if they control a Defender Thing.

It shoots super bullets at super long range with super accuracy for super effectiveness against infantry, unless the rifle is fulfilling a super anti-materiel role, in which case it disables the target with super efficiency.
Card : eskimoboy
Untrained Defensive Troops 2
Defender Thing
If Untrained Defensive Troops is dealt damage but not destroyed, return it to your hand.

They're shootin' at us! RUN!
Card : eskimoboy
Swiss Bank 4
Defender Thing
You may place one card face down under Swiss Bank.
Action+Discard a card: Put the face down card under Swiss Bank into play under your control. If Swiss Bank is destroyed, the opponent may put the face down card under it into their hand.
Card : eskimoboy
...With Necromancy Action!
Action
Return a Thing from the discard pile to play under your control. If it is a Defender Thing, it has 1 HP
Card : eskimoboy
The Only Duplicates 1
Defender Thing
If this card is in play when The Only Duplicates comes into play, put a health counter on each one.

I'm feeling uncreative.
Card : eskimoboy
The Only Duplicates 1
Defender Thing
If this card is in play when The Only Duplicates comes into play, put a health counter on each one.

I'm feeling uncreative.
Card : eskimoboy
Nobody Has To Die Today
Action
If no one controls any Defender Things, you win the game.
Card : eskimoboy
The Antithesis To Coherent Thought 1
Defender Thing
If The Antithesis To Coherent Thought is destroyed, you must discard a card at random, take 1 damage, and destroy a Thing you control.
Action: put an insane counter on this card. if there are 3 insane counters on this card, you win.

So insane it just might work.
Card : eskimoboy
Really Great Medic
Action
Your HP becomes 3. Play only if you have 1 HP or control no Defender Things.

Next time, you might not be so lucky.
(well, for sure you won't, because there's only one Really Great Medic and no way to retrieve Action cards. So you won't be so lucky next time.)
Card : eskimoboy
Slow-Acting Poison
Thing
Play Slow-Acting Poison onto a Defender Thing. At the end of each of that Defender Thing's controller's turns, the Defender Thing takes 1 damage.

The slow but sure version of Fast-Acting Poison.
Card : eskimoboy
Fast-Acting Poison
Thing
Play Fast-Acting Poison onto a Defender Thing. At the end of the Defender Thing's controller's turn, the Defender Thing takes 3 damage and Fast-Acting poison is destroyed.

The fast version of Slow-Acting Poison.
Card : eskimoboy
A Messy Death
Action
Destroy a Thing, but not a Defender Thing.

ew.
Card : eskimoboy
Hand Grenade Tennis
Action
Deal 1 damage to a player, even if they control a Defender Thing. The target may discard a card to take control of Hand Grenade Tennis and choose a new target to take damage. (Who also gets a chance to discard a card, continuing the sequence.)
Card : eskimoboy
Minefield
Action
Deal 3 damage to a Defender Thing.
Card : eskimoboy
Underestimate The Opposition
Action
Play only if you have less Things in play than your opponent(s).
Target player destroys a Defender Thing they control or takes 1 damage.

Oh. So there are ten THOUSAND of them.
Card : eskimoboy
look how existing i am
Action
Regain any health lost in the previous turn.

you sure are.
Card : eskimoboy

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