To import this deck into the Dvorak MUSH Engine, just cut and paste the quoted commands below straight into your telnet window. (Any card whose type is neither "Thing" nor "Action" will default to "Thing"; if it was somehow meant to be played like an Action, just destroy it after playing it.)
(You can also get an output formatted for the Dvorax Engine.)
cleardeckskipcard Director of Residence Life/T/When Director of Residence Life (DRL) comes into play send Residence Hall Director to the discard pile and draw one other administrator. (""Aaaaahhhhhhh, Panera!" - DRL")skipcard Young Conservative/T/ ("Might as well be a square in life as early as you can...")skipcard Dr. Anthro/T/When Dr. Anthro comes int\o play, automatically draw three cards. Player may not draw again normally until the number of cards in players hand returns to five. (""You probably shouldn't eat spaghetti before this class..." - Dr. Anthro")skipcard Militant Feminist/T/When Militant Feminist comes into play tap one target student. (""Men are useless sperm missiles." - Militant Feminist")skipcard Graduate Student/T/When Graduate Student comes under academic probation, academic probation term is double in length. (""Where the hell is my King of Sweden mug?!" - Ben Hardisty")skipcard Football Player/T/Football player counts as an athlete. Football player may not be a student leader. When Football player is played tap for one round. (""Nothin' like having the QB's hand on your hoo-has." - Michael Sefcik")skipcard Cheerleader/T/Cheerleader counts as an athlete. Cheerleader may not be played as a student leader. Cheerleader is immune to STD's. (""I <i>need</i> to stop sleeping with my T.A." - The Cheerleader")skipcard Athletic Coordinator/T/When Athletic Coordinator enters play all athletes currently on Academic Probation or under Judicial Sanction are restored to good standing. (""Of course he can't compute his own GPA... he plays football!" - Conversation between Athletic Coordinator and a professor.")skipcard Director of Academic Computing/T/When card enters play send one technological object controlled by another player to the discard pile. (""What? Port 23 is open? The Illuminati might attack!" - The Director<BR> "Fnord!" - Chaote Hacker")skipcard The Science Nerd/T/Can be played as senator. When effected with inebriation double the length of the effect period, however The Science Nerd only takes half the dice roll penalty. (""Wrong specific heat, jerk!" - Science Nerd")skipcard International Exchange Student/T/International Exchange Student (IES) may not be played as a senator. IES is immune to academic probation. (""If I tried this crap in Iran they would beat me."")skipcard The Dirty Hippie/T/Can play up to two other students when Dirty Hippie is played. May also be played as senator. (""Patchouli is <i>not</i> a substitute for showering!" - Phil Conner")skipcard Resident Assistant/T/Resident Assistant (RA) is a student leader. When RA is played play one other student from hand, student is under automatic judicial sanction. (""I do it for the room!" - Resident Assistant")skipcard Director of Student Life/T/When played, Director of Student Life (DSL) modifies all dice rolls relating to student government by -1. ("Dance-techno never sounded so <i>good</i>.")skipcard Dr. PsychSci/T/When played can remove academic probation from target student. May also be played as an administrator, however Dr. PsychSci must abandon faculty status. May be played as a Thesis Advisor. (""Psychology <i>is</i> a science, damn it!" - Dr. PsychSci")skipcard Chemistry Lab TA/T/When played player must place any student on the green on academic probation. <i>May not be played as a thesis advisor.</i> (""Your lab reports are due tomorrow, yes...all 50 pages!" - Chemistry Lab TA")skipcard University President/T/When University President is played all faculty and staff are tapped for 1d3 rounds. (""Would you like a bottle of Cabernet?" - University President after a formal function")skipcard Vice President of Academic Affairs/T/When played Vice President of Academic Affairs may place one student not in your control on the green into your hand (""I hold your career in academia in the palm of my hand!" - Vice President of Academic Affairs")skipcard Dr. Apathy/T/Must cause inebriation in target student when played. (""As an undergrad I used to shoot bottles off the electron microscope" - Dr. Apathy")skipcard Poli Sci Guy/T/May be played as a senator. When played may place two cards into discard pile, and draw two more. (""Do you want me to go get "Robert's Rules? I have it in my trunk." - Poli Sci Guy")skipcard The Blonde/T/When played automatically becomes SG President for 2d6 rounds. The Blonde is a Student Leader. Cannot use SG President on The Blonde. (""It takes too much thought to think" - Melanie")skipcard SGA President/T/When played all Student Leaders are tapped for 1d3 rounds. Afterwords, this card can be tapped to provide protection to one Student Leader. May not be played if The Blonde is SGA President. (""This is not an appropriate use of student fees!" - SGA President")skipcard The Department Head/T/May be played as faculty or an administrator. Player may sacrifice administrator to the discard pile as an interrupt at any time to cancel an effect. (""Tenure...Ha! Funny..." - The Department Head")skipcard Director of Multicultural Affairs/T/When Director of Multicultural Affairs (DMA) is played, may play any student simultaneously except Cheerleader or Poli Sci Guy. (""Think they give me enough funding? Guess again!" - DMA")skipcard Dr. Accounting/T/When Dr. Accounting comes into play tap immediately. On next turn untap Dr. Accounting and play an additional card. (""Ledger paper? Who needs ledger paper when you have a computer!" - Dr. Accounting")skipcard Dr. Education/T/When playing Dr. Education, take control of any one faculty member on the green. (""What exactly is the symbolism of the little brown bear in this story? - Dr. Education")skipcard The Cell Phone/T/Target person can be tapped for 2d6 turns to play two people in a single turn. This effect is reusable. (""You'll get a brain tumor!" - Students mother")skipcard Thesis Topic/T/May be played on target student. If student is sent to discard pile take thesis topic into hand. (""Bullshit that you think is important but really isn't"")skipcard Free Condom/T/Target person is now immune to all sexually transmitted diseases. (""Now I will show you how to put it on with a banana" - Student Health Practitioner")skipcard Football Helmet/T/Target athlete is immune to Judicial Sanction. (""I swear, every time I get hit I feel my brain slosh around in my skull." - Michael Sefcik")skipcard Acoustic Guitar/T/May be played on any student or faculty member. When played on a student guitar may be used as a student activity. When played on a student, student gains student leader status. (""Because alternative covers are better than air guitar...sometimes"")skipcard Free T-Shirt/T/Target student receives student leader status. If target student is tapped untap immediately. Student cannot be sent to discard pile. If a discard effect is played on student with Free T-Shirt caster takes both Student and Free T-Shirt back into hand. (""Because pimpin' aint easy."")skipcard The Alluring Freshman/T/Tap any two students you control on the green. Roll 1d6 to determine the length of the relationship. Caster receives +1 to all rolls for duration of relationship. The Alluring Freshman counts as an additional student. (""She was a punk who never took advice..."")skipcard Forbidden Love/T/Tap one student and one administrator/faculty member. Pair forms relationship for 1d6 rounds. Caster receives +3 to all rolls for duration of relationship. Counts as either an additional student OR an additional administrator. If Scandal or Higher Education come into play, player skips one turn. (""My Lab TA is sooo hottt!!!1"- Student Text Message")skipcard MP3 Player/T/Allows caster to search the discard pile for any student card. (""Hanson? You still listen to HANSON?"")skipcard Laptop/T/When played on target student discard two cards from hand and draw two cards from library. (""The internet is not like a truck..."")skipcard Hi Fi Stereo/T/Play stereo on any student. If student is to be sent to discard pile, discard normally, however place one student from the discard pile into your hand. (""I love this song! Turn it up!"")skipcard Alarm Clock/T/Play on target student. Any effect duration is halved as long as student remains in possession of Alarm Clock. (""At least I don't wake up to the same day and "I've Got You Babe" - Phil Conner")skipcard Television/T/May be used as a program, however target student is immediately tapped for three rounds (""I learned everything I know from C-SPAN" - Poli Sci Guy")skipcard Summer Lovin'/T/Target two students. Students are in a relationship until effect is canceled. (""Had me a blast..."")skipcard Backpack/T/When Backpack is in play expand you hand to six cards. Play one card per turn normally. O (""You should see my new messenger bag!" - The Science Nerd")skipcard Apathy/T/Play on any target person. Target person's game text is unusable, and person may not be used as a requirement for victory conditions. (""This is my United States of Whateva..."")skipcard Financial Aid Drone/T/ (""I would spit on that peasant scum" B. Hardisty")skipcard Research Assistant/T/Target student becomes Research assistant for controlling player. Controlling player must have had Thesis Topic on the quad for one round prior to playing this card. (""$10 and a free beer? Count me in!"")skipcard Research Subject/T/Target student becomes the focus of controlling players research. Controlling player must have had Thesis Topic on the quad for one round prior to playing this card. (""Well... I could use the extra credit. I hope this doesn't hurt."")skipcard The All Nighter/T/If target student is currently on Academic Probation, remove student from Academic Probation. If target student is in good standing, student is now immune to Academic Probation. (""Four liters of Mountain Dew and half a carton of cigarettes later my paper is done!" - Phil Conner")skipcard Audit Class/T/May destroy any one target effect. Discard both effects to the discard pile. Does not effect game text. (""Credit? Who needs credit?"")skipcard Thesis Advisor/T/Play on any eligible faculty. Faculty member is immune to any effects for 1d3 rounds. If at any time an effect is played to remove targeted faculty member to discard pile, take faculty member into hand and Thesis Advisor is discarded. (""Well that's not the worst idea I have ever seen..." - Thesis Advisor")skipcard Black Valentines Day/T/Black Valentines Day (BVD) may be played as an event. When BVD is brought into play, send one target student in a relationship to discard pile along with the relationship card. (""Black Roses...How sweet?"")skipcard Cold Ones/T/Target any person on the green. Target person suffers a -2 penalty to all dice rolls for 1d6 rounds. (""Life is always beautiful through beer goggles"")skipcard Thesis Advisor/T/Play on any faculty memeber. Target faculty member is immune to discard effects and Thesis Advisor may not be destroyed. (""Wrong, do it again!"")skipcard 'A' for Effort/T/Target student may not be subject to academic probation. (""Sometimes trying is just as good as final grades."")skipcard Open Mic Night/T/Play on any student as student event. Required for Activities Board victory. (""Testing 1,2,3...is anyone out there? Anyone?" - Phil Conner, Undergraduate Student")skipcard Herpes/T/When card comes into play roll 1d3. 1d3 students have herpes permanently. If there are more than three players, each player rolls 1d6. The three players with the lowest scores receive herpes. May be cured by University Health Clinic. (""Mommy has it in a <i>special</i> place..." - One student to another")skipcard Student Leadership/T/When played on student, target student is tapped for two rounds. Student cannot be sent to discard pile. (""Hell on Earth without compensation." - Student Leader")skipcard The Ex/T/Breakup formed target relationship. Discard both people. (""Yeah, they left you for your professor..."")skipcard Higher Education "Three Year Itch"/T/Target player must loose one administrator from the green to discard pile. Target player gets their choice. (""I was getting tired of this place anyway!" - Former Director of Student Life")skipcard University Health Clinic/T/Cure any ailment including inebriation. Discard University Health Clinic. (""Well it will just have to come off!" - M.D.")skipcard Technological Dependency/T/Play onto any person. Target person suffers -2 penalty to all dice rolls when lacking a technological object. (""Three days without the internet? I would die!" - One student to another")skipcard Judicial Sanction/T/Play on target student and roll 1d6. If value of die is three or greater student is tapped for 2 rounds. (""Please, step into my office" - Judicial Officer")skipcard <i>Neisseria gonorrheae</i>/T/Play 'The Clap' on any target person. Person may not be a member of a relationship and game text is rendered unusable until cured. (""What is it doctor, it burns! - Student")skipcard Student Employment/T/Player may place one administrator out of play (tapped) for 1d6 rounds (""Because doing homework is better than flippin' burgers for minimum wage"")skipcard Reverse Psychology/T/Cancel any effect and play canceled effect on any target person. (""Bet you won't do it!"")skipcard Online Essay Purchase/T/Player may discard one card to search through discard pile and take one card into hand. (""Why work when I can pass someone else's work as my own?" - Naive freshman")skipcard FERPA Abuse/T/Target administrator may not be the target of any effects from other players. (""Yes, they do have your records...all of them."")skipcard Student Tutor/T/Student is immune to academic probation. All judicial sanctions effect times are cut in half. (""Studying is one thing, doing your homework is another!" - Student Tutor")skipcard Spring Break!/T/Send two target students to discard pile. May split amongst players if more than two at table. (""Wooo! Costa Rica!" The Blonde")skipcard Activities Board Concert/T/Place any one student on immediate academic probation. Keep Activities Board Concert on student as an item. May be used as event for Activities Board victory. (""C'mon man...I's a free show!"")skipcard Care Package/T/Untap any tapped student card regardless of condition. (""I would be nice if you called us every once in awhile" - Concerned Parent")skipcard Change of Major/T/Exchange any one student with any other student on the green. (""Well I was a massage therapy major, but old men kept looking at me funny" - The Blonde")skipcard Drop/Add Week/T/Discard your entire hand and draw a new one. (""I am sorry you will need a permit for that course..." - Academic Advisor")skipcard Blocked Port/T/Choose any MP3 player or Laptop on table. Thing is tapped for 1d3 rounds. (""Error connecting on port 23. Operation Timed Out."")skipcard Scandal!/T/Send any newly played administrator card to the discard pile. (""Like... I totally saw Holly and Dr. PsychSci making out in the faculty lounge!" - The Blonde")skipcard Vote of No Confidence/T/When played this card removes SGA President from play. May be used to send target SGA President immediately to discard pile.<BR> May remove The Blonde from play only if currently SGA President. (""Was the free housing really worth it?"")skipcard Abused Sports Team Stripper/T/Remove target athlete from play. (""Maybe encouraging your client to lie about why she took her clothes off at the party was a bad idea." - Special Prosecutor")skipcard Double Secret Probation/T/Target any student, and roll 1d6. If outcome of roll is greater than two student is automatically sent to discard pile (""Thats it man! Double Secret Probation!"")skipcard The Bust/T/Place one target student under judicial sanction. Roll 1d6 per turn until a six is rolled. Remove student from judicial sanction. (""It's only a Misdemeanor, stop resisting!" - Officer Mark")skipcard Research & Publication/T/1) Faculty member is on the quad with the Thesis Advisor effect. %r 2) Student is on green with the Thesis Topic effect. %r 3) Two other students on green as "Subjects or Research Assistants" %r (""The is nothing quite like writing things only 50 people in the world will read" - Phil Conner, Undergraduate Student")skipcard Abolish Student Government/T/1) Must have University President and Director of Student Life in play. <BR> 2) Must have FERPA Abuse card in play on University President or Director of Student Life. <BR> 3) Roll 3d6. If roll shows 18 game ends. Any modifiers from effects or things apply to UP and DSL. <BR> (""If it wasn't for those snot-nosed kids and their meddling dog" - Vice President of Student Affairs")skipcard Viva la Revolution/T/1) Must have Student Government President or The Blonde (as specified) in play. <BR> 2) Director of Student Life must not be in play.<BR> 3) Must have at least two senators in play.<BR> 4) SG President must not be tapped during round victory is proclaimed. (""Let it be known that the Revolution will be televised"")skipcard Student Activities Board/T/1) Have at least one student on your green. %r 2) Must play any event card on a student. %r 3) Roll 3d6. If number shown is less than students in good standing on table, victory is achieved. %r (""It's b.o.a.r.d. not b.o.r.e.d!" - SAB director")skipcard National Championship/T/1) Must have at least two athletes in play. <BR> 2) Intramural Sports must be in play.<BR> 3) Athletics Coordinator must be in play. (""Does looking in the locker room shower make me gay?" - Football Team Captain")@emit [name(%#)] pastes the College Life deck into the Dvorak Engine.